Just Say No

My friend asked me after he read this blog whether it was possible to categorize the areas where on should strictly say no. I simply said that it is not possible and it depends on an individual's choice. As I was searching for a topic to write about, I chose this one and began to think on it. I always have believed that it is an individual's choice in telling a no or yes. But I questioned myself whether there were any potentially dangerous things for all individuals? I find that there are four things, one is every human being must be environment conscious and has to strictly say no to plastic. The second thing is drugs and it is always gets the biggest no from me and is better that all follow the same. Thirdly, I hate when people cheat and it is the same with all, then why is that most of us are open to extra-marital bliss? When we hate people cheat on us, then why should we ever cheat? Finally, I am totally against the cosmetic makeover just to make one look great. One must be happy with his/her own body and trying to modify it must be a strict no! I wonder why doesn't the government penalize such acts?! These are the four domains which derive a strict no from me and I will write about them in detail in the forthcoming posts.

I though no was just an expression and there was no emotion, attached to it. The least that I expected was pain in it. When does pain occur? It is when you are forced to tell no irrespective of wanting to tell yes. I am going to share something which I heard from my sister. My sister has a penchant for traveling and was on a trip to the eastern part of the world. She visited India, a cultural and beautiful place. And it was during one of her stays, she happened to meet an old woman who was in charge of the hotel in which she stayed.

That old woman knew English and both spent a good time chatting, and then one day that old woman asked my sister whether she was in love. This question made my sister feel uncomfortable because she felt her privacy was intruded but managed to say yes. The old woman sensed my sister's discomfort and apologized to her. She then added that 30 years back, she loved a young man and still loves him even today. But destiny had different plans for them; her family did not accept the proposal. She was asked to reject the man's proposal in front of all the people (it was their custom to accept or reject a proposal in front of the heads of the village) and threatened with dire consequences like killing the chap if she refused.

This poor woman refused his proposal, fearing he might be killed and went on to marry another man. She had been married for 30 years and has grandchildren. She did not complain of her husband for he looked after her real well. But she said that her no made her miss something in life and that was her ability to love. The no robbed her of love and she said that it was difficult to live a life deprived of this ability. She said that she never loved her husband, but lived with him. Today, she feels that if she was courageous 30 years back, things would have been better. So, she has promised to be courageous now and share her story with all people she meets, in order to make them understand that a simple no can mean great pain.

I did tell that there were two questions that intrigued me and the first was about the gender of this word. Many people might laugh at this question but the fact is I like finding the gender for objects. I classify it as male or female, if the characteristics of the objects match with the specific gender characteristics.

Let us come back to our object which is no. NO can be uttered in different circumstances and let us consider each one. When a person tells no to a particular job due to time constraints, then it shows that no takes up masculine gender because it is men who are not that good at multi-tasking. If a person utters no, because he does he does not like the other person and hence does not want to deal with him, then it takes up feminine gender because it is women who make a big issue out of small differences of opinion.

The third scenario when no is uttered is because you do not want to agree to something without being offered a proper explanation. This clearly shows it is masculine! The next scenario when one utters no, is just to pull the other person and to have some fun. This is so typical of a woman. I can end up giving you another hundred scenarios, and this will not end the discussion. In short, I think NO does not fit in the brackets of any gender and can be very comfortably called as neutral.

We have spoken enough about the power of no and even a few cases where one should tell no. But how many of us really use this word when it is a necessity(I am not talking of using the word to discourage somebody)? I believe that most people do not use this word as often as yes. Why do people not use this word? Why is this considered as forbidden word? Why do people hesitate to use this word? Query yourself and you would know the answer. In most of the cases, the simple reason is that we want to be in the good books of others that we don use this word. If we had to choose between yes or no for any circumstance, our response would depend on the majority! We want to be a part of the herd and do not want to thread the unknown or least traveled part. So, the truth is out we are cowards to follow our heart. We can be defensive to this statement and comment that we do not want to hurt the feelings of others and so we are following the herd’s decision. I think it is an insane defense because each one has the right to be unique. So it is time to contemplate whether the herd is our way or whether we would like to listen to our heart.

It was another day in my life. I got up and checked the toxic contents using the toxic meter; they were very high today too. So, I and my wife decided to wear the anti-toxic masks to work. As we were leaving to office, I received a message that my cousin delivered a boy son and he did not have a birth deformity. That was news to celebrate and we wanted to go to hospital immediately before the television guys would crowd the place, so we could see the baby. It was very good news and it is bound to rock the Nation as he is the first child to have been born without any birth defect in the last 5 years. My wife already had prepared the list of questions that she would ask my cousin so that she too could deliver a kid who was defect free.

We took along our 5 year old son, who was hearing impaired (a birth defect), and he asked us what were animals? Now that was a difficult question, because he has never seen any of them. We promised to take him to the museum since they were extinct species and one can't see them in the real world. We reached the hospital and there were lights all over. I thought the television guys were clicking pictures and before I could make my way, I found somebody's hand on my shoulder. As I turned to see who it was, I heard the voice shouting,” Would you now get up? It is getting late to work!!! You are always dreaming!” I got up from my bed to find that all the above was just a dream, an outcome of reading an article on the effects of plastic. 

Plastic is a non bio degradable substance and hence is capable of littering the landscape. It can be consumed by animals when they are littered on the landscape. This could lead to their deaths, and they would become extinct. If you burn them they would produce toxics, which could cause a number of diseases in human beings as well as the children who are yet to be born. My dream emphasized all these points, and my dream would become true if we don say no to plastic! So join hands, to say no to plastic!

There were two questions that intrigues me with the word no. One is I would like to know which gender does this word belong to and whether it is a positive or negative word. I am planning to take up the latter question as the topic for this article. Many people argue that the word no has motivated the lives of a number of people and hence it should be considered as a positive word. If it was not for “no you were not allowed to wear turbans”, would the world have seen the transformation of a young man to Mahatma Gandhi? Every successful individual has heard the word no, right from Bill gates to Obama. 

When you want to try something different and unique, you will be ridiculed upon! This is the way of life, but a few fail to understand this concept and that is what makes the word a negative one. NO inspires you to reach heights, and if some one does tell that you are incapable of doing something then why should that hinder your spirit in doing it. I always believe that there is only one person that you need to prove yourself and only one person who is your competitor and that is you yourself. So you have no one to prove yourself and nobody whose comments that you should pay heed.

I agree that when we hear the word “no or it is not possible or any other discouraging word” it could discourage, but the real potential ones are the people who rise beyond that discouragement and convert this into a positive spirit. Two negatives make a positive, isn't it? So the word NO and your sadness in hearing it should make you strive harder to reach your goal, isn't it?